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Synopsis

How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less teaches face-to-face communication skills to quickly bond people together. It explains how to make a good first impression, start a conversation with almost anyone, establish instant rapport, and build better business and personal connections.

All personal interactions and business relationships are based on rapport. The key to establishing quick rapport is to synchronize conversational behaviors. This is accomplished by mimicking a conversation partner's facial expressions and other body languages, as well as voice tone. The author teaches these steps for effective communication –

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The book 'How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less' presents several innovative ideas. One of them is the concept of establishing quick rapport by synchronizing conversational behaviors. This involves mimicking a conversation partner's facial expressions, body language, and voice tone. Another surprising idea is the emphasis on the importance of making a good first impression and starting a conversation with almost anyone. The book suggests that these skills can help build better business and personal connections.

A small business can use the communication techniques from "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" to grow by applying these techniques in their customer service, sales, and networking efforts. By making a good first impression, starting conversations effectively, and establishing instant rapport, businesses can build better relationships with customers, partners, and stakeholders. This can lead to increased customer loyalty, more sales, and stronger business partnerships.

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  • Know the wants, needs, and goals
  • Find out what is being delivered
  • Change and improve practices to achieve the desired results

The book is divided into three parts discussing how to build rapport –

  • First contact
  • Actions speak louder than words
  • People like people like themselves

He also explains three secrets for good communication –

  • Use active listening
  • Questions are the answer
  • Choose the best sensory channel for each partner

The book also contains several role-playing exercises designed for two partners, plus self-assessments and sample dialogues.

Summary

As suggested by its title, How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less builds on a self-help theme made popular by Dale Carnegie in his classic guide How to Win Friends and Influence People. It was first published in 2000 and has been updated several times since then.

Author Nicholas Boothman is a licensed Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). He first developed these practices while working as a professional photographer, because he needed a way to quickly gain trust and bond with his clients.

The steps to effective communication

  • Know the wants, needs, and goals
  • Find out what is being delivered
  • Change and improve practices to achieve the desired results

Know the wants, needs, and goals

The first step is to state a specific goal or need, and keep it positive. Beyond distinguishing between wants and needs, effective communication is focused on achieving specific goals. Goals may be either personal or business objectives, the communication methods remain the same for both.

To illustrate this principle, the author talks about Colonel Sanders, the famous icon of Kentucky Fried Chicken. The author explains how Colonel Sanders grew his restaurant chain into today's huge KFC Company based on knowing exactly what he wanted. The Colonel knew the right taste and presentation that would best market his chicken.

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The book 'How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less' presents several innovative ideas. One of the most surprising is the concept of instant rapport. The author suggests that it's possible to establish a connection with almost anyone within 90 seconds. This is achieved through effective face-to-face communication skills, including making a good first impression and starting a conversation. Another innovative idea is the emphasis on knowing exactly what you want, as illustrated by the example of Colonel Sanders and his success with KFC.

The book "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" has influenced corporate strategies and business models by emphasizing the importance of effective communication and rapport building. It suggests that businesses can benefit from focusing on making a good first impression, starting conversations effectively, and establishing instant rapport. These skills can help build better business and personal connections, which can lead to improved customer relationships, increased sales, and a more positive corporate image. An example of this can be seen in the case of Colonel Sanders, who knew exactly what he wanted and how to present his product, leading to the success of KFC.

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Find out what is being delivered

The second step is to analyze the current situation to learn exactly what is being delivered, and how it compares with wants and needs. It is important to receive plenty of outside feedback and understand the differences between what is desired and what is delivered.

As the author points out, Colonel Sanders succeeded because he closely monitored what was being delivered. He controlled the quality of the product being delivered to his customers as well as the quality of the raw foods being supplied to his restaurants. That meant less room for errors.

Change and improve practices to achieve the desired results

The next step is to change communication practices slowly but surely. Based on feedback, keep changing the practices until the desired results are achieved. Finally, follow through with a plan for constant improvement. Small-town Kentucky Fried Chicken has grown into global corporate giant KFC because of a culture of constant change and improvement through customer and employee feedback. To remember and reinforce this principle, the author recommends saying the acronym "KFC" aloud several times daily.

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Potential obstacles companies might face when applying the communication practices discussed in the book could include resistance to change, lack of understanding of the new practices, and difficulty in implementing them consistently. To overcome these obstacles, companies could provide comprehensive training to employees, ensure clear and consistent communication about the changes, and establish a feedback system to continuously improve the practices based on employee and customer feedback.

The case study of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) in the book is used to illustrate the principle of constant change and improvement. KFC started as a small-town business and grew into a global corporate giant. This growth was largely due to their culture of constant change and improvement, which was driven by customer and employee feedback. This case study implies that for any business to grow and succeed, it must be open to change and constantly strive for improvement based on feedback from its stakeholders.

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First contact

The initial face-to-face encounter between two strangers is the pivotal moment for establishing rapport. Because of the "fight or flight" instinct, people make judgments about whether to trust someone – or not – within the first couple of minutes during any face-to-face encounter. The first 90 seconds are critically important, and a first impression is hard to overcome.

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The resource "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" has significantly influenced corporate strategies and business models by emphasizing the importance of first impressions and face-to-face communication. Many businesses have incorporated these principles into their customer service and sales strategies, understanding that establishing trust and rapport within the first few minutes of interaction can greatly impact the outcome of a business transaction. Additionally, these principles have been used in team building and leadership training to foster better interpersonal relationships within the organization.

A startup can use the key topics covered in the book "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" to grow by applying the principles of making a good first impression, starting a conversation with almost anyone, establishing instant rapport, and building better business and personal connections. These skills can be particularly useful in networking events, client meetings, and team building. By creating a positive first impression, startups can attract potential investors, clients, and talented employees. Furthermore, by establishing instant rapport, startups can build strong relationships that can lead to partnerships, collaborations, and customer loyalty.

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Actions speak louder than words

Body language speaks more loudly than words. It is important to ensure that the listener's body language supports the verbal message instead of contradicting it.

The author explains that "rapport by design" can be created by anyone, with practice. As an example, he tells the story of a young man who attended a dinner along with many other single people. He was bored, and was sitting alone when he overheard a beautiful woman telling someone that she was an avid online gamer.

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A retail company can apply the face-to-face communication techniques discussed in the book in several ways. Firstly, employees can be trained to make a good first impression on customers, which is crucial in retail. This can be achieved by maintaining eye contact, offering a warm smile, and using open body language. Secondly, employees can be encouraged to start conversations with customers to understand their needs better. This can be done by asking open-ended questions and showing genuine interest in the customers' responses. Lastly, establishing instant rapport with customers can lead to better business connections. This can be done by finding common ground with customers, empathizing with their needs, and providing personalized service.

A small business can use the communication skills outlined in the book to establish instant rapport with potential clients by practicing "rapport by design." This involves making a good first impression, starting a conversation with almost anyone, and building better business and personal connections. For instance, a business owner can use these skills to quickly bond with potential clients during face-to-face meetings or networking events. They can also use these skills to engage with clients online, similar to the example of the young man who bonded with a woman over their shared interest in online gaming.

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Her original conversation partner wasn't interested in that topic, so the young man quickly greeted her and began to build rapport with skillful body language. He smiled often, kept his body leaning toward her, and mimicked each of her body movements. When she sipped her drink, within a couple of seconds he sipped his.

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Mimicking body movements, also known as mirroring, can significantly improve interpersonal communication in a business setting. It helps to establish rapport and build trust with the other person. When we mirror someone's body language, it subconsciously communicates that we are in sync with them, leading to a sense of connection and understanding. This can make the other person feel more comfortable and open to communication. However, it's important to mirror naturally and subtly to avoid coming off as insincere or manipulative.

The book 'How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less' presents several innovative ideas. One of the most surprising is the concept of mirroring body language to build rapport. This involves mimicking the other person's body movements to create a sense of familiarity and comfort. Another innovative idea is the importance of making a good first impression within the first 90 seconds of meeting someone. This can be achieved through effective communication skills, including starting a conversation with almost anyone and establishing instant rapport.

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Since they shared mutual interests, the talking was easy. The author's point is that even when people are shy, they can become successful by practicing better body language.

People like people like themselves

As an evolutionary survival trait, people tend to trust others who look and act like themselves. By combining appropriate body language and words, people can create instant rapport and strong connections with their conversation partners.

Three secrets for good communication

Active listening

As the Greek philosopher Epictetus said, "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."

Active listening establishes a strong bond between conversation partners. An active listener uses tools such as effective body language and questioning techniques to create personal rapport. The listener must wait patiently while other people talk, observing body language and listening carefully to what they say and how they say it. These practices give listeners plenty of time to think about why speakers have chosen specific words and tones.

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Active listening plays a crucial role in establishing successful business and personal connections. For instance, in a business setting, a manager who actively listens to their team members can understand their concerns and ideas better, leading to improved team dynamics and productivity. In a personal context, active listening can help in building strong relationships as it shows that you value the other person's thoughts and feelings. It's important to note that active listening involves not just hearing the words, but also understanding the emotions and intentions behind them.

The speaker's choice of words and tones can provide insights into their emotions, intentions, and the message they are trying to convey. It can reveal whether they are confident, nervous, sincere, or deceptive. It can also indicate their level of knowledge and passion about the topic. Understanding these aspects can help in building rapport and effective communication.

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Questions are the answer

Questions are powerful tools for connecting with people. Good questioning helps listeners learn quickly and form strong connections with conversation partners. A skilled questioner can lead people to explore uncharted territory and make unexpected commitments. The author describes how the right questions build rapport. He explains how to use the power of two types of questions: open-end and closed-end.

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Open-end and closed-end questions can be powerful tools in business conversations. Open-end questions, which cannot be answered with a simple 'yes' or 'no', encourage dialogue and exploration of new ideas. They allow the respondent to express their thoughts, feelings, and ideas, leading to deeper understanding and connection. Closed-end questions, on the other hand, can be used to confirm understanding or gather specific information. They can help to steer the conversation and keep it focused. By skillfully using both types of questions, one can guide the conversation, explore new areas, and build stronger business relationships.

While the book "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" does not provide specific examples of companies that have successfully implemented the questioning techniques, many businesses across various industries use similar techniques to build rapport and establish strong connections. Companies in sales, customer service, and human resources often use open-ended and closed-ended questions to understand customer needs, resolve issues, and build relationships. However, it's important to note that the effectiveness of these techniques can vary based on the context and individual communication styles.

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Open-end questions are those which cannot be answered by a simple "yes or no." Open-ended questions are sometimes called "leading questions" because they provoke thought. This type of question allows a conversation partner to disclose sensitive information. They can be used to start an initial conversation, or walk someone toward a clearer understanding of issues and possible solutions, without pressure. Examples of open-end questions:

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The lessons from the book "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" can be applied in today's business environment in several ways. Firstly, the book emphasizes the importance of making a good first impression, which is crucial in business interactions. Secondly, the book teaches how to start a conversation with almost anyone, a skill that can be used in networking and building business relationships. Lastly, the book discusses the concept of establishing instant rapport, which can help in building better business and personal connections. These skills are particularly relevant in today's business environment where face-to-face communication and relationship building are key to success.

Potential obstacles companies might face when applying the concept of open-end questions include: difficulty in analyzing responses due to their qualitative nature, time consumption as these questions require more time to answer and analyze, and the risk of receiving vague or irrelevant responses. To overcome these obstacles, companies could invest in qualitative analysis tools, allocate sufficient time for these types of questions, and provide clear instructions to respondents to ensure relevant and detailed responses.

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  • "What do you think about XYZ Company?
  • "What are the priorities this week?"

Closed-end questions are those which can be answered by a simple "yes" or "no" without further explanation. This type of question helps refocus a conversation partner, and may be used to stop a conversation from going farther down a particular pathway.

The best time to interject a closed-end question is during a natural break or lull in the conversation, while the partner is reflecting or taking a breath. Avoid using them in a confrontational way. Examples of closed-end questions:

  • "Do you work with XYZ Company?"
  • "Is the client happy?"

A balanced mixture of open- and closed-end questions helps conversation partners build rapport while allowing plenty of breathing room and time for reflection.

Sensory channels

In each face-to-face situation, it is important to communicate with conversation partners through their optimal communication channels. The author's neuro-linguistic programming concept is based on the idea that each person may be categorized into one of three distinct learning styles or sensory channels:

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The book "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" provides several key examples and strategies for effective communication. One of the main concepts is the neuro-linguistic programming concept, which categorizes people into three distinct learning styles or sensory channels. This concept suggests that understanding and communicating through a person's preferred sensory channel can significantly enhance the effectiveness of the communication. However, the book does not provide specific examples, but rather focuses on the broader concept and its application in various communication scenarios.

Yes, there are several examples of individuals and companies that have successfully implemented neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) concepts. Tony Robbins, a well-known motivational speaker and coach, is a prominent example of an individual who uses NLP techniques. In the corporate world, companies like Virgin Atlantic and IBM have used NLP for staff training and development. However, it's important to note that the effectiveness of NLP can vary depending on the individual or organization, and it's often used in conjunction with other strategies for maximum impact.

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  • Visual
  • Kinesthetic
  • Auditory

Most people can process visual input more easily than kinesthetic (or touch) data. A small minority respond best to auditory input. A good listener and observer can become skilled at determining a speaker's preferred sensory channel from words and eye movements. Once an observer can detect and connect with a conversation partner's optimal sensory channel, they can easily establish rapport.

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The ideas in "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" have great potential to be implemented in everyday conversations. The book provides techniques for making a good first impression, starting a conversation with almost anyone, and establishing instant rapport. These skills can be used in various social situations, from business meetings to personal interactions. By understanding and connecting with a conversation partner's optimal sensory channel, one can easily establish rapport and make the conversation more effective and enjoyable.

A retail company can apply the communication techniques discussed in the book in several ways. Firstly, they can train their staff to make a good first impression, which is crucial in retail. This can be achieved by using positive body language, maintaining eye contact, and using open-ended questions to engage customers. Secondly, they can use the technique of determining a customer's preferred sensory channel. For example, if a customer responds best to visual input, staff can use visual aids or demonstrations to communicate. If a customer responds best to auditory input, staff can focus on verbal communication. By adapting their communication style to the customer's preferred sensory channel, retail staff can establish rapport and build better business connections.

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